Friends

Friends. I never liked that show. Ross? No way that guy could be a college professor. For one thing, he was dopey. And, while he wasn't that good looking, he was still better looking than any college professors I have seen. Phoebe? No one in New York is that mystical and flaky. It's a feet-on-the-ground city. That free gypsy soul act is so much more Laurel Canyon than Manhattan. Sorry Californians. And who buys that that group of people would be friends? And that they would have the jobs they have? Chef, actor, professor, guitar-playing masseuse, some type of gig with Ralph Lauren? Only Chandler had a real job, full of boring nonsense and stupid responsibilities, like the rest of us. But I hated the irritating and demeaning "is Chandler gay?" jokes that popped up all the time. Hey, Friends writers: it would be okay if he was.

But, geez, I've wandered away. Here's my point. Hoover friends are a good thing. We always see Hooverites coming together to take care of a friend who is sick or down in the dumps. As Phoebe might say: it's a groovy thing.

Hoover ≠ suck

Look. I can't edit everyone's essays and blog postings. But can't we have a Manual of Style or something that makes this clear: Hoover isn't a verb. It's a proper noun. And a brand name. And the first two syllables of the the word Hooverlove. But not a verb. And it never, never, never should be used as a synonym for suck.

I was passing time as I do during my lunch break, reading different things on the web. Downloading some songs by the Cheetah Girls. Freaking out that Filth and Wisdom was denied an Oscar nod. Then I came across this on Slate.com:

Slumdog Millionaire, with 10 nominations (second only to Benjamin Button's 13), seems positioned to Hoover up every award in sight by virtue of being the cute, inoffensive crowd pleaser that no one hates.

Grrrrrrr. I hate that! Why couldn't this essayist just use the word "suck." Why Hoover? Why not "vacuum" or even, in this context, "grab." Look, nothing wrong with being linked with Slumdog Millionaire. Hooverites have told me how much they like the movie. It seems like a great underdog story. And the movie being nominated for Best Picture? Heckabagosh! That's a feel-good story too. A little movie that could, going nose to nose with The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which cost $150 million to make, has two studios behind it, and stars tabloid heart-throb Brad Pitt. What's not to love? Go Slumdog! But that's not the point. Can I say this one more time? Maybe in a way you math-heads will get: Hoover ≠ suck.